You know, at the point in which you fail to see the road you drive, and taste the coffee you drink.. you might be tired, and in need of vacation.

The software implementation at work is a trainwreck. We have this software (after four months) only 60% functional. Today - one of the top guys at our software support center didn't know why his query didn't work.. because it pulled voided checks! Did we do something to make two checks? Did this get paid twice?

Are you kidding me? You write SQL and set up this job protocol? OMG. I do not make enough money to clean up after this ass hat.

The move is finally, finally, finally over. OMG. I thought it would never end. The more stuff I packed, the more I found. The more I found the more I couldn't figure out where the crap came from!? Holy Moly! Who knew I lived in an apartment of holding?

Donovan will be registered in his new school on Monday. He starts the 2nd. He missed the deadline to take the bus. So, I have to take him to school in the AM, and then he can get the afternoon bus if there's room. Can you say, "BIG" SCHOOL? OMG. The Band is 800 kids. You can't take the bus if you live under a mile. We're right on the edge of being a mile (about 8 blocks as the crow flies)so he can walk or take his bike in the warm weather. Otherwise, he'll have to hoof it. what's worse.. is that it's $270 a semester for him to take the bus. Oh boy!!!

We've just about got everything unpacked, now it's a matter of getting used to where it is, moving it around to make the house a home, etc. Fortunately, work is busy (overtime), my class is cake (tax law) and I am lined up to work at H&R block this spring.

the only item left on the agenda is to buy a new living room set, and get TSM his license.

Things for us and the kids have been hectic with the move, and crazy with everything else. He's supportive, sweet, and thoughtful. Tomorrow we're off to Hopkinton Beach and Sunday we spend with our home Shire visiting. I can't wait! Two days off with sweetie and niblets. Heaven...

You know,

I'm really tired of people saying their my friend, and then being my friend only when I buy dinner, or I praise them, or when things are fine. I only have fair-weather friends.

I love those people. What I love more, is that they cannot address me directly. Instead, they talk behind my back, behind my friends back, and then get disgruntled when I ask them to speak to be directly, and STOP THE GOSSIP.

How would you feel, if you knew that every detail you posted on Live journal was repeated by those you trusted?

I know that's why I no longer post.

!Alice.

Well, I got to spend the day with my TSM. I got to play kickball, grill and generally spend the day laughing with friends. It rocked! I got tons of exercise, I ran and I am sooo sore now :D OMG. I can barely move. My left ankle is shot, and the Yoga ball popped. Oh well :D

In the course of the conversation, working through the terrible split with Vimself, and really, really developing that huge, horrible, I don't know what to do except distance myself from TSM crush, a terrible thing came out in the conversation.

He knew about the brain tumor. His brother knew. His mother knew, and she was worried that if we made our commitment permanent, that I would try to take the house. (Not on your life. I'm not like that.)

He was scared, and he wanted the kids to be in the house permanently. OMG.

I don't know if I believe that... or if the source is 100% credible.

It was devastating all the same. I told TSM about all of the stuff that was said to me. The negative attitude really affected me. though, I don't take it all to heart anymore. TSM's children seem to make up to me quickly, and they engage me, making eye contact and wanting to interact. I miss that, and I miss not having a big family.

though - I need some distance all the same. I cannot go down that path. I refuse.

Been there, done that. Have the t-shirt.

Alright, I'm annoyed. (Well, not really...)

Our fish tank attempts have just not been what they could be. We have a great pup, we enjoy the check out of C's pups, but fish.. no, the fish die. always! I once fed C's fish, and they died! Sheeesh.

So, we got fish, all the fish died, again! (See where I'm going with this?!?) Tonight, Donovan and are watching our one fish (LOL) and looking for snails. I bought three, only two made the tank transfer, and we simply just can never locate them.

Today - there must be four THOUSAND snails in that danged tank! Holy Moly! I thought I needed to vac the tank. Oh no! Those are *snails*. At this rate, the tank will be so full of them that I'll have to buy a bag of fish food a day!

Good grief. How many snails does it take to heat the house :)

Anyone interested in cute snails? LOL

Okay, so last week was the worst week ever. I can't go into details. If, for some god-awful reason I would say what shouldn't be said...it could start the whole chain reaction over again. Suffice it to say, it lasted all the way up until Friday afternoon.

C and D picked me up at the office, and we bolted for Birka. We arrived, checked in, and most of our party-pals were already in attendance. We went for dinner, and the appletini's started! I had appletini's until I couldn't stand, and then I went off to the merchant space and let someone dress me fabulous and then off to strut it out! I was exhausted, so I went back upstairs to unpack and was ready to settle into bed. -- Oh no! My friend, T, and our mutual friend, B, decided we should play Ninja's drunk. (Mean, really...) We're not exactly teenagers. We're going to pretend to be Ninja's, drunk. So, we did the ninja thing. We *all* got into it. OMG. With the addition of Crown Royal, we all thought we were the best. So, T stood between the beds, while B and I jumped on the beds, and tried to tackle him. LOL I haven't had that much fun... in so long. We basically flopped around like idiots and allowed T to toss us off and across the beds. Woot!

Although.... Saturday... wasn't so great. I had a wicked headache, and I was soooo hung over. T and I could not get up and get going. Lady B was off to check about and get into mischief. D was off to the merchant area to secure swag. Such swag... I finally got up and got motivated about noon. T was first to shower and escape, and then I tried to hold down some coffee and make it downstairs for some food :)

Saturday was uneventful. I was still swimmy and icky. I ate, and then tried to visit, but I was to icky. I went back to bed, and passed out for most of the day. C and D finally found me upstairs back asleep. LOL!! T had found me earlier and checked to see if I was breathing.

I got out of bed Saturday night, went and had dinner with the girls and then went back upstairs to sleep some more. LOL I haven't slept this much since I went to Glen Linn last year. So, we jumped up, had breakfast this morning, and pushed our way out of the hotel. We got back home and stopped by to pick up Oz at the kennel. Um, he likes bacon. He was a dream all weekend, and he ate bacon, and somehow, he smells like maple syrup.

I have been hungry all day!

I put on a pot of stew, and I have been diligently working on homework all afternoon! Woot! I have the goodies unpacked and laundry drying and now I am relaxing and decompressing.

----------------------------

On a side note, there was some weirdness this weekend. After the falling out last year, my friends are over-protective and trying to keep a scene from developing. My Lord's new partner is not the nicest or most patient person, but I think I can be gracious even in the face of anger. I have kept my eyes peeled, and I tried to skirt around them a bit, so as not to make an small (spacewise) event seem like I was hanging about or pushing around them too much.

So, my friends, being the lovely people they are, passed on this 'warning' onto Vimself and asked him to keep his distance. The lady of his life is less than kind in watching people around him, and she even waved the children away from D. Fortunately, she got tired of kid-duty and the kids got to watch a movie and hang out shooting each other with catapults.

While I do appreciate all the of the efforts to protect me, I've made peace with this a long, long time ago. I can only hope that their weekend was not ruined. I got to see the lovely children, and my good friends, and I hope they had fun. I did run into them, and they both were smiling like school children. Of all the scenarios, this was exceptionally painful, but their faces tell it all.

Alright, so Thursday was just damned *weird*.

First, the boy and I have had a stomach bug. The boy was home Wednesday, as was most of his class, with a fever and his tummy was hurty. So, he stayed home, and slept. While sleeping, his damn body grew. I'm not kidding! The kid woke up with all of his pants too little, and like 2 inches above his ankles! WTF! I went to the store with my friends from work to get the boy new pants. The new pants don't fit. He's apparently slept through a size.

Then, Thursday evening, I go home to watch TV and enjoy a quiet night without class or extra work, and we had a bag of peanut M&M's we were munching on. I got one M&M half caught in my throat. Worse... The horrible little candy got caught on a serious scar on my vocal cords. I couldn't cough it out, and I couldn't breathe. My face was red, and Donovan was pounding on my back.. it stil took me nearly 2 minutes to get that candy out of my throat. Poor Donovan. He and I were both crying by the time I got it out of my throat. I tasted blood for two days and I'm still hoarse. Bleh!

After the scare of the evening was gone, and Donovan stopped watching me chew everything, we went to bed. :) I woke up at 2AM, smelling ham. Yes, ham.

We heat our house with gas, and I have no idea what the "leaking gas" smell is. I woke Donovan up because I was afraid I was having a waking dream, or a nightmare, that the gas had really leaked enough to either kill us both, or make us unconscious...

Only to hear Donovan say, "Mom, you're crazy. Go back to bed."

I keep trying to tell him to get up - because I think I smell something..? Is it ham, or something else?

Donovan finally gets up and looks around. Now, he understands what I'm saying. He goes and checks the heater, the front door, and the back door. When you open the front door - the whole building smells like ham! LOL.

The guy next door was hungry, and apparently needing food at 2AM. LOL

This is a general letter,

My New Year's resolution this year is to accomplish a few things that will help me live longer and happier life with my son.

1. I will be more active, and eat less junk. (Woot!)
2. I will clearly work and then not work. I will equally divide my time between work and home and not take work home.
3. I will not work 14 hour days. I'm calling the limit at 10.
4. I will, and I repeat *NOT* be involved in drama. No friend drama. No ex-boyfriend drama. No family drama. If you have drama - I'm not in the mood.
5. I will spend less time on my laptop, and more time enjoying my hobbies.
6. I refuse to allow my ex to interrupt my life.
7. Regardless of the lies being told by individuals, I know that I am a good person, and I don't lie about my life, my status, or my past few on relationships.
8. I will watch my finances closer - but splurge on myself and not buying frivoloties.
9. I will go to more functions I enjoy - with or without my son.
10. I will make new friends this year and enjoy time with them as well as my existing friends.

Okay, quick run-down. I'm too tired to type, and I can barely keep these eyes open.

Christmas Eve: Gifts/Food/Time with good friends. (Thank you, C and S for hosting!)
Christmas Day: Drove to Leonia, NJ to visit with all the new 2nd cousins. Tons of babies to smooooch and sniff. I can't wait to start making baby clothes!
The day after Christmas: Trying to recover from the drive and missed work. I was seizing all the way! LOL
Saturday the 27th: Unpack, sleep, unpack.
Sunday the 28th: Sleep, work, sleep so I can work some more.
Monday the 29th: Frustrated with traffic, can't keep up with year end volume.
Tuesday the 30th: Pharmacy accounts are a disaster for 2008 - and Alice, can you fix this?
Wednedsday the 31st: Wandering around the office waiting on the check run. I had to mail out 71 checks express mail. My hand is still not uncramped.
Thurday the 1st: Cleaning house, sleeping, cleaning up radiator in the kitchen that be-sploded.
Friday the 2nd: I love it when a plan comes together! Finished my work 1PM - closed the books at 2PM, and left work at 4! I left for PA at 6 PM, right on time! Woot!
I arrived in PA around 9:30 PM, but the snow was so heavy we had to stop. I got into the Poconos around midnight. Who knew snow could give you vertigo?
Saturday the 3rd: Up at 7AM. Crated the pup, packed food for the party, opened up and decorated the hall (...Auntie Janie needs lessons from the SCA) and then went back to stop a fight between said Aunt and Uncle. Hosted a fabulous party for 55 people. (Yes, I can delegate and be a gracious host!) Hosted in my stupid white wool sweater and pearl earrings. (I hate that outfit - gram!)
Clean up, pack away food and clean the hall.
Sunday the 4th: Unpack and clean up all of the food at the house. Watch babies, feed babies, allow cousin to sleep. Babies sleep, kitchen gets scrubbed, step gets shoveled, cars get shoveled out. Saturday afternoon, make lunch, corral children, feed dog, feed cats, and give Auntie Janie a lecture on how to leave children alone to grow.
Sunday night: Drive home, and crash. Lovely Y is waiting with *clean* dishes and big smile. Woot! Pot of Salt Pork and black eyed peas waiting! Aaaaah.

Monday: Back to work, hyped to go! Walked out the front door, fell and hurt my back worse than I did last weekend. Back spasms - meds - and pharmacy company that cannot reconcile, convert and manage their own national books! I was spongebob crabby pattie today.

Anyways - back to sleep so I can go back and conquer the vendor table tomorrow.

AAAH!

Okay, okay, I was not going to blog. I was going to stay offline today and enjoy the evening with my son, my friends and my new pupperoni.

My mood has been dark for a week now. Theirry passed away on the 23rd. I found out after Vince was at the hospital, and so was everyone else. Just not me.

Tonight, one year ago, I just knew something was wrong. I was sick to my stomach and upset all day. I moped around all evening. Nobody spoke to me but Mikaela. She told me her mom sent her to sit with me because I was sad.


Tomorrow, I find out the love of my life, my sunshine, the sun in which I orbited has moved on. He's gone back to his ex. He can't remember why they separated. He didn't tell me. She did.

I will have 10 days to find a place to live, figure out expenses and move schools. The screaming phone calls start - the battle lines are drawn. I will spend months in a daze, shocked, surprised and having nightmares. I will quit school for six months. I literally do nothing. My friends help me, and I keep asking myself why no *person* (save my son) wants me. Nobody wants anything to do with me. No my parents, not my family, no one.

Finally, the warm weather comes, the apartment comes, the car is nice... and now I'm re-building those relationships with family, friends and my son.

He's had a brain tumor, his brother passed on, and his friends have moved on. Some friends are parents for the first time, some grandparents. Some are re-evaluating the relationships they had and wonder if they knew him at all.

Tomorrow... tomorrow will finally *FINALLY* be the start of the year of me. No more struggling, no more fighting, no more remembering, no more mourning. I've done it. I made it through this year. I have better friends, and more family, and I really, really miss having my life.

I'm so glad to be back!